Addicted To Anger?
In the mid-1980s John Bradshaw, author of Healing the Shame That Binds You, wrote about "rageaholics," those of us who are addicted to anger and rage. The model made sense to me. I worked with rageful drug addicts and I began to think of anger as if it were a drug. As I did more reading, I found that there actually are biochemical changes in our bodies when we rage, use profanity or pound things. Those of us who rage a lot have more health problems than people who practice containing their anger. The popular psychological theories that suggested a need to express anger for mental and physical health reasons have been proven false when put under the microscope of scientific research. The more we scream and yell, the worse our health gets, the more prone we are to heart attacks and the worse our rage problem becomes.
"Sure I get angry. Doesn't everybody?" This article is certainly not for all men. Some men may need to learn to express their anger, but others have become addicted to the expression of anger just like the alcoholic has become addicted to alcohol. As with the alcoholic, solemn oaths to use willpower to "control ourselves" have failed repeatedly. Still, we continue trying to do more of what has not worked.
If you have unsuccessfully tried willpower, solemn oaths, stopping drinking, marital therapy, getting all the anger out once and for all, exploring anger at your father, learning the appropriate expression of anger, meditation and some medication, you may be convinced that there is no way to stop the destructive power of anger. You may be beginning to lose your marriage, children, jobs and friends. You may be caught in the grip of an addiction even stronger than you realized. You may be a rageaholic.
"I thought it was healthy to express my anger." For the last 50 years the world has been saying, "Express yourself." "Let it out." "It's good for you to express your feelings." "It's bad for you to repress your feelings."
Seymour Feshbach, an early pioneer in anger research, explored hostility and aggressiveness by taking a group of young boys who were not especially aggressive or destructive and encouraging them to kick furniture and play with violent toys. They did so enthusiastically. Instead of draining these boys of aggression, the aggressive "play" actually increased it. The boys became more rather than less hostile and destructive. As opposed to letting off steam, expressing hostility toward another person may increase rather than decrease hostile feelings.
My work agrees with Feshbach, and it has led to this radical principle: Abstain from the expression of anger. As background for this alternative approach to dealing with anger, let me first develop in more detail the two theories of anger that have dominated the past century.
From Anger Busting 101 by Newton Hightower. Copyright © 2002 by Newton Hightower. |
