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Sudden Anger

by Marty Brenner

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You know sudden anger when you see it happening in other people. You’ve also probably experienced an episode of sudden anger at least once in your life. Emotions rage upwards from your belly and explode from your mouth in a flurry of obscenities. You can feel your blood pressure and pulse soar as your face grows red, your jaw clenches and your hands tighten into fists. Energy flushes directly into your muscles and you feel like you could throw a locomotive a half a mile. Then suddenly, as fast as the rage comes, it leaves. You feel emotionally exhausted and physically drained.

Episodes of sudden anger are usually dramatic and explosive but there is usually a period of calm between outbursts. Additionally, the incident is usually short-lived, lasting only a few minutes. Sudden anger often has identifiable triggers, those certain things that “just set you off,” such as a rude comment or the way someone drives. You might also experience bouts of sudden anger to seemingly benign events. You may unsure why the event bothers you this time when it normally does not irritate you, but the rage you feel inside seems very real and appropriate at the time.

Sudden anger plays an important role in human life- it keeps you safe. Nature gave you sudden anger as a source of explosive emotional and physical strength to be used in extreme situations. Sudden anger gives you the power to strike back at your enemies. For example, a camper might use sudden anger to punch out and overcome an attacking grizzly bear.

Sudden anger can be dangerous and violent, both emotionally and physically. This explosive and dramatic form of communication certainly draws attention to whatever irritated you but it can also have a detrimental effect in your relationships with other people. Observing or being drawn into participation of a bout of sudden anger is sometimes terrifying, and people might be less willing to work with you to resolve the issue if your reputation for having a bad temper frightens them.

Sudden anger indicates trouble controlling both the way you hold your anger in and the way you let it out. Anger is like pouring a carbonated beverage into a closed container – the more liquid you add, the more trouble you’ll have containing it when something traumatic shakes the bottle. Sudden anger squirts out uncontrollably until the pressure inside the bottle is relieved. Expressing anger in a timely and calm way helps vent frustration before it accumulates into a dramatic explosion of sudden anger.

While screaming and punching walls might soothe the rage you feel during the throes of sudden anger, you know your outbursts have a detrimental effect to your personal relationships. You may find it helpful to count to tend during bouts of sudden anger. This age-old remedy gives you a moment to catch your breath, slow your pulse and lower your blood pressure so that you can express your anger in a reasonable, less frightening way.

Why Marty?

Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.

Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.

Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.

Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.

Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.

Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.

His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.

As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.

It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.

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Paranoia

by Marty Brenner

ParanoiaParanoia is a one way to hide your anger, both from yourself and from others. You may not see yourself as a paranoid person and you may be unable to recognize this type of anger in others. Paranoia is based on mistrust, a belief that others around you mean to do you harm. You project your negative feelings onto someone and then take on a defensive attitude when you interact with that person.

Paranoia causes you to live in a hyper vigilant state at all times. You are always ready to respond to perceived threats and are never able to let your guard down long enough to relax. You never allow yourself to have fun and enjoy life because you are afraid you will miss some important signal or expose your soft spots to your enemies. It becomes increasingly difficult to tell your friends apart from your enemies; in fact, more and more of your friends seem to be crossing to your enemy’s side.

Paranoia is closely related to anger as a protective emotion. When you are suddenly exposed to mortal danger, your brain has to make a split-second decision whether you should stand and fight or if you should run away. This is the famous fight-or-flight response intended to help us assess our chances of winning the fight and then giving us the emotional and physical power to engage in battle or run for our lives. Anger gives you the strength to fight whereas fear tells you to take flight. Reacting to a fearful situation, whether it is real or imagined, makes you run away to a safe place. Paranoia keeps you in a perpetual state of fight-or-flight as your brain has to constantly decide whether you should run or stay and fight.

When you feel paranoid, you project a reason to fear onto someone else and then react to that imaginary and misplaced fear. It does not really matter whether this person or entity is actually bad or cruel – in fact, he has no control over the amount of anger you project onto him. He will go about his daily life, doing the things he always does, because he is completely unaware the hidden anger you project onto him. Paranoia causes you to search his every deed and his every word for the smallest hints to support your anger towards him.

You may be unaware of your own anger, hidden behind the cloak of paranoia. Paranoia allows you to hang your anger in someone else’s closet, so to speak, in a way that relieves you of responsibility for your emotions. Instead of accepting responsibility for your own emotions, you substantiate your fears by portraying your enemy as evil or “out to get you.”

Paranoia causes you to live in an uncomfortable and unhappy state of mistrust. You may view only a select few people as trustworthy and you hold these allies under constant scrutiny, quickly cutting ties with anyone who displays even the tiniest signs of treason.

Why Marty?

Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.

Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.

Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.

Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.

Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.

Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.

His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.

As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.

It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.

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Passive Aggression

by Marty Brenner

passive-aggressive-spouseYou’ve learned a new way to screw with your oppressive boss without the risk of getting fired – passive aggression. She makes you do more work than anyone else because she doesn’t like you, and you have decided to get back at her by doing a lousy job, smiling at her the entire time. In your imagination, your poor performance will certainly make her look like the bad guy and put you in the role of heroic victim. You get what you desire without taking the risk an angry confrontation can bring. This is the classic anger-avoidance tactic known as passive aggression.

You might be employing passive aggressive anger if you feel powerless and dominated by another person or entity. You may behave in a non-assertive and resentful manner towards your oppressor, never fully confronting your enemy but never really escaping him either. You may feel too weak to ever win in a battle against your foe so you develop a passive-aggressive way of thwarting your oppressors without ever having to take them on in a fair fight. You are aggressive in your desire to cause your enemy some harm but do it in a non-active, or passive, manner.

A passive aggressive person might agree to perform a task and then continually “forget” to do it. Or the job might get done poorly or constantly run behind schedule or over budget. You might be passive-aggressive if you say you agree to something and then behave in the opposite manner. For example, your wife says she wants to start a sheep farm and you agree to help her, stuffing your hatred of sheep down into your subconscious. You agree to purchase fencing so she can start the herd but you come up with a new reason each day why you cannot buy the fence.

The passive aggressive person learns how to inflict great damage onto others through inaction. The dominant person is usually in a position of authority and depends on you to perform certain tasks so that your home, school or workplace functions correctly. When you do not participate as necessary, your inaction paralyzes the entire operation. You exert great control by doing nothing.

It is hard to tell when you have been a victim of passive-aggressive anger. Unlike explosive anger, where someone punches you in the nose or screams obscenities, passive-aggression is subtle and can pass unnoticed for years. Early signs of passive-aggression include snide comments, sullenness, procrastination and signs of resentment like rolling one’s eyes or paying compliments they don’t really mean.

Passive aggression has its downfalls. Passive aggression becomes an art form – you become a master of producing nothing. Participating in obstructive inactivity for long periods of time causes you to become inert, unmoving, not achieving. You become better at preventing others from achieving their goals than focusing on your own hopes and dreams. Passive aggression shifts your focus way from living a better life towards hurting others, and doing it in a way that you will never have to take full responsibility for.

Why Marty?

Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.

Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.

Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.

Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.

Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.

Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.

His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.

As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.

It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.

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Anger Avoidance

by Marty Brenner

depressionAnger avoidance is a complex style of anger. You might deny ever feeling angry. You might say that expressing your anger is always bad, and that only weak or evil people become angry. Perhaps you were never taught how to properly use anger as a tool to protect yourself from harm; you ended up sputtering angrily instead of effectively expressing yourself. Anger gives you the emotional and sometimes physical power to overcome adversaries in a way that promotes positive change to a negative situation.

Humans respond to emotions, both to their own emotions and to others’. For example, when someone expresses love for you, you might feel happy and tell them you love them too. Conversely, if someone insults you, you might find yourself growing angry and defensive towards them. Or you might decide that you either do not feel reciprocal hatred or that you’ll choose to not express it. You avoid the anger you feel inside or see in others because you try to never become angry, you get nervous when others express anger or because you are afraid you will regret your emotions.

You try to never become angry. Your cultural values or upbringing might have taught you to suppress or deny anger. You might feel it morally wrong to display anger, or that “letting your emotions get the best of you” demonstrates weakness. You might think people with stoic personalities have more character or strength that those who wear their hearts on their sleeves.

You get nervous when others become angry near you. Anger puts the fight in fight-or-flight, and the angry person may want you to participate in his fight. You may avoid fighting with him because you don’t want to allow yourself the anger necessary to do battle. While it is a natural emotion intended to protect you from harm, the expression of anger is often explosive, emotionally or physically painful and sometimes frightening event. Anger is an emotional emergency and some people not well-equipped to deal with this type of disaster. Angry people behave unpredictably.

You feel regret or remorse for being angry, even if your anger is justified and necessary. The guilt and remorse over the anger may even overshadow the reason you became so angry in the first place. For example, a woman calls the cops on her abusive husband because she is angry that beat her up. Two hours later, she begins to feel guilty over her anger and bails him out.

Humans come equipped with a wide variety of emotions and an even greater number of ways to express it. You can choose to openly accept your emotions or pretend they don’t exist. You also have great control over how you react to your emotions and can learn ways to effectively express or repress them in the most advantageous way. Unfortunately, you can also adopt poor mechanisms for displaying strong emotions, like anger. You may end up either avoiding important emotions within yourself or acting in such a way that never allows for anger to come to the surface and effect the positive change to a negative situation. Anger avoidance describes a pattern of denying angry feelings or staying away from situations and people that have the potential for anger.

Why Marty?

Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.

Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.

Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.

Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.

Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.

Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.

His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.

As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.

It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.

More Reading

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Anger Styles

by Marty Brenner

anger-managementAll humans feel anger but each of us expresses our emotions in a variety of ways. You can hide your anger from others, or you may explode with rage. You may even allow anger to infiltrate into your daily existence and become a chronically cranky person. Behavioral scientists categorize anger into various styles, including hidden, explosive and chronic styles. You can exhibit one or more styles of anger at any given time.

Hidden anger styles are those that you try to suppress or disguise your feelings. You may even be completely or mostly unaware that you are harboring anger. There are three types of hidden anger styles, including anger avoidance, passive aggressive tendencies and paranoia.

You may feel anger is inappropriate or unhealthy and display the hidden anger style known as anger avoidance. Passive-aggressive tendencies are also categorized as a hidden style, as internal resentment builds as a reaction to an oppressive force, like an abusive husband or overbearing boss. Paranoia is based on distrust, where you project your anger and negativity onto others and then react defensively against anything they may say or do.

A person with an explosive style of anger periodically expresses his emotions in abrupt, dramatic outbursts. Sudden anger comes in short bursts and dissipates rapidly. Shame-based anger describes a tendency to quickly convert your feelings of inadequacy or oppression into anger directed at the person you think is trying to shame or humiliate you. Excitatory anger is another explosive style of anger- you feel a sense of excitement during arguments and fights. The final style of explosive anger is deliberate anger, exhibited by people who have learned that anger is an effective tool to manipulate others. These people might yell loudly, stamp their feet, and appear to be quite irate when they actually feel calm inside.

We tend to think of anger as occurring as isolated, dramatic episodes but this emotion can take on a chronic style. Chronic anger makes you habitually cranky, bitter and mean-spirited. Anger is habit-forming when it becomes the most easily available and effective emotion in your arsenal of self-defense. You learn that anger works, so you develop an angry one-size-fits-all attitude that becomes your prevalent demeanor. You may have a chronic form of moral anger in which you are in a constant state of outrage at people whom you feel don’t live up to your moral standards. For example, you may feel so strongly against abortion that you give up your home and travel the country to attend protests. You may even wear your moral outrage like a cloak, incorporating your anger into your very identity.

Resentment and hate are chronic styles of anger, and are possibly the most difficult to overcome. You may let anger from small transgressions build up inside you, snowballing into larger and more complex emotions of hate and resentment, instead of dealing with each issue as it occurs. A resentful person will collect hurtful events deep inside, taking careful notes whenever someone harms them. No sins are ever forgiven and the person who offends the chronically angry person is treated with loathing and hatred.

Why Marty?

Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.

Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.

Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.

Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.

Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.

Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.

His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.

As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.

It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.

More Reading

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