Domestic Violence: Causes and What We Can Do to Control It

Domestic violence goes far beyond the typical stories you hear so often in the news. It can involve a spouse, former spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, a child, parent or live-in partner. Hitting is but one aspect of domestic violence, a social issue across the globe that has a far-reaching impact. One recent example making international headlines is that of entertainer Chris Brown who allegedly battered his pop singer girlfriend Rihanna February 8th. The incident is said to have taken place in Brown’s car on a Los Angeles street and photos leaked to the press reportedly show a bruised and battered Rihanna.

The media onslaught over the case has drawn attention to an important and often overlooked fact – that domestic violence is not just a problem for the poor and uneducated. Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in which one partner uses violence or abusive behavior to control, intimidate or gain power over a partner or family member. It can include abuse that is physical, psychological, verbal, economic or sexual. Add alcohol, pills or other drugs to the scenario and you have a cocktail for disaster. Domestic violence can also escalate to murder, whether intended or not. The Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence reports that on average, more than 3 people are killed each day in the U.S. by domestic partners. They also note that about 14% of police officers killed in the lline of duty die while responding to domestic calls.

Causes, Examples and Solutions

It can happen because we are angry, jealous, frustrated or feeling inadequate. In many cases, built-up rage learned in the childhood home spills over into adult relationships. This cycle needs to be broken as a high percentage of batterers report experiencing domestic violence within their families. The fear and shame experienced by many victims keeps them from reporting the abuse, so statistics reflect only substantiated cases.

Domestic abuse could include property crimes such as theft, vandalism and trespassing, violations of restraining orders, harassment, threats or stalking. Physical crimes include hitting, slapping, shoving, kicking, punching, tripping, raping, burning, choking, shooting, stabbing, hair pulling, restraining and confining. Emotional abuse includes shouting, yelling, criticizing, swearing, intimidation, humiliation, threatening, name calling and treating the other like a servant. Economic abuse is when one person withholds or hides money from another or imposes an allowance.

Controlling anger and other negative emotions takes restraint. When these feelings surface, it helps to just walk away. It’s also very important to think before saying anything out of anger. Treat others the same way you would want to be treated. This may sound easier than it is. Anger management counseling, whether court mandated or not, can help you sort through issues and find new ways to cope with negative emotions. Understanding your personal triggers can help you avoid situations and improve self control. You do have control over how you act and react. Recognizing that is a step in the right direction. 

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