by Marty Brenner

An angry outburst is a form of communication. The way you behave when you are angry tells your adversary that you do not like what he is doing and you are willing to fight him over it. Assertive communication is direct and respectful. Assertive communication conveys your anger and allows you to set clear boundaries around your personal space, especially in the intimacy of your own home.

Anger Communication

Anger gives you the ability to tell your adversary that his actions are not acceptable, and communicate your feelings in such a way that your foe will think twice before messing with you again. Anger sends a clear message that you feel passionately about something and that you expect others to act accordingly. For example, you might view a messy house as unhealthy and uncomfortable so you spend hours scrubbing and sweeping. You begin to feel angry when others within the family unit do not exhibit the same passion for cleanliness as they track mud on the carpet or leave dirty dishes in the sink. Your family’s disregard for your feelings endangers your sense of comfort and well-being and, as a result, you feel angry.

Nature intended anger to be an explosive and temporary reaction to a dangerous situation, not stuffed down into your subconscious. The most important element of anger is in the expression of the emotion, or how you convey your thoughts and feelings. Assertive communication moves feelings from the interior of your personal thoughts to the exterior world in such a way that your emotions impact your world in a positive way.

In our example of the dirty house, you would assertively communicate that you don’t feel comfortable in an unclean home and that you expect all family members to participate in housework. If you have expressed your anger properly, your loved ones will understand that cleanliness is important to you and they will try harder to pick up after themselves. Conversely, if you have only hurled insults or called your family members names without sharing your fears of a dirty house, you have not provided your family the tools they need to effect the change you desire.

You sometimes need anger to make other people listen to you and respect those things you feel strongly about. Mild mannered people who communicate their thoughts and feelings in passive, soft tones are often bulldozed by assertive people or misunderstood by inattentive ones. Assertive communication is direct, neither passive nor aggressive, and focuses on the specific problem at hand. Speaking in a loud, authoritative voice commands the attention and respect of others. Assertive communications helps your family recognize what is important to you and how they can participate in your happiness.

But this expression of anger is only effective when you communicate your needs in a clear, concise manner that conveys exactly what has made you angry and how you expect the other party to behave. Left unexpressed or poorly communicated, anger snowballs with other emotions, like frustration, resentment and even hate towards family members.

Why Marty?

Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.

Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.

Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.

Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.

Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.

Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.

His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.

As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.

It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.

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