by Marty Brenner

arguingYou build relationships with others when you trust others with your thoughts and feelings. In a healthy relationship, you communicate your ideas and emotions with people that you know will respond in a positive way. A relationship is an emotional compromise, where participants agree to certain terms of behavioral limits. When one person breaks the agreement by making a mistake or doing a bad thing, the other party might respond by initiating an angry dialog between the two. This breakdown in communication can ruin the relationship as each party behaves in an increasingly aggressive fashion. Left unaddressed, anger dissolves the foundation of the relationship.

You build relationships with other people through communication – one person expresses his thoughts and emotions and a second person responds with his own ideas and feelings on the matter. For example, a loving relationship is established when one person says, “I love you.” If the other person shares this positive emotion, they will react with a smile and say, “I love you too.” The first person, now empowered with positive affirmation of a loving relationship, might risk emotional harm by asking for a hand in marriage. If she inflicts pain by denying his marriage proposal, he may react angrily to this rejection by calling her an unsavory name. The relationship shifted from an equal communication of intimate, positive feelings to one of risk, denial, pain and anger.

Anger is the result of pain. When your brain senses that you are in danger of experiencing pain, anger gives you the emotional and physical power to move yourself to a safer, pain-free place. When someone inflicts emotional trauma, you respond with an angry reaction in an attempt to deflect or reduce your discomfort. When a particular person inflicts pain on a regular basis, you learn to consistently respond with anger. Do this enough and you’ll create a relationship with this person based on pain and anger. Your relationship is founded on the principle that all interactions with this person will result in angry turmoil.

Sometimes you base your relationships not on trust that the other party has your best interest at heart, but on the basic mistrust you have for others to do perform up to your expectations. For example, you know that your mechanic is lazy and incompetent, so you feel compelled to supervise him while he works on your car. After all these years, you just know you’ll be giving him hell for forgetting to check your oil.

A sense of entitlement shifts the healthy, equal balance of power in a relationship to one of master and slave. You may feel the other person owes you something in the relationship based simply on who you are or what you have done in the past, regardless of your behavior in the present. You think you deserve something and that it is the other person’s responsibility to deliver it to you.

Abusive relationships are born of anger, mistrust and a sense of entitlement. You can inflict and suffer many types of abuse in a relationship, including mental, emotional, sexual, financial and physical abuse. Unresolved and unaddressed anger can dissolve your relationships from being a positive and beneficial experience to an unhealthy or even dangerous one.

Why Marty?

Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.

Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.

Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.

Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.

Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.

Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.

His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.

As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.

It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.

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