by Marty Brenner

depressionAnger avoidance is a complex style of anger. You might deny ever feeling angry. You might say that expressing your anger is always bad, and that only weak or evil people become angry. Perhaps you were never taught how to properly use anger as a tool to protect yourself from harm; you ended up sputtering angrily instead of effectively expressing yourself. Anger gives you the emotional and sometimes physical power to overcome adversaries in a way that promotes positive change to a negative situation.

Humans respond to emotions, both to their own emotions and to others’. For example, when someone expresses love for you, you might feel happy and tell them you love them too. Conversely, if someone insults you, you might find yourself growing angry and defensive towards them. Or you might decide that you either do not feel reciprocal hatred or that you’ll choose to not express it. You avoid the anger you feel inside or see in others because you try to never become angry, you get nervous when others express anger or because you are afraid you will regret your emotions.

You try to never become angry. Your cultural values or upbringing might have taught you to suppress or deny anger. You might feel it morally wrong to display anger, or that “letting your emotions get the best of you” demonstrates weakness. You might think people with stoic personalities have more character or strength that those who wear their hearts on their sleeves.

You get nervous when others become angry near you. Anger puts the fight in fight-or-flight, and the angry person may want you to participate in his fight. You may avoid fighting with him because you don’t want to allow yourself the anger necessary to do battle. While it is a natural emotion intended to protect you from harm, the expression of anger is often explosive, emotionally or physically painful and sometimes frightening event. Anger is an emotional emergency and some people not well-equipped to deal with this type of disaster. Angry people behave unpredictably.

You feel regret or remorse for being angry, even if your anger is justified and necessary. The guilt and remorse over the anger may even overshadow the reason you became so angry in the first place. For example, a woman calls the cops on her abusive husband because she is angry that beat her up. Two hours later, she begins to feel guilty over her anger and bails him out.

Humans come equipped with a wide variety of emotions and an even greater number of ways to express it. You can choose to openly accept your emotions or pretend they don’t exist. You also have great control over how you react to your emotions and can learn ways to effectively express or repress them in the most advantageous way. Unfortunately, you can also adopt poor mechanisms for displaying strong emotions, like anger. You may end up either avoiding important emotions within yourself or acting in such a way that never allows for anger to come to the surface and effect the positive change to a negative situation. Anger avoidance describes a pattern of denying angry feelings or staying away from situations and people that have the potential for anger.

Why Marty?

Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.

Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.

Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.

Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.

Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.

Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.

His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.

As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.

It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.

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