by Marty Brenner

anger_management_familyThere are all sorts of people in this world, including happy folks, depressed souls and angry jerks. Bearing children does not necessarily change who these people are – they simply become happy parents, depressed moms or jerk dads. When you are born, you are not given a choice as to who your parents would be. You may have been lucky enough to have been born into a happy, well-adjusted family or unfortunate enough to find yourself the child of an angry parent. Parents provide the basic necessities in life, like a home and food, but parents may also leave a legacy of anger.

Children have a deep need to please their parents and most children will go to great lengths to avoid making their parents angry. This goes for young children as well as adult children – even as grownups, we are wired to gain the approval of our parents. We learn to change our behavior according to our parent’s reaction, always trying to move our parents’ emotions from a negative, angry space to a more positive, loving one. The child of the angry parent will never be able to change his behavior enough to please his mother or father because a chronically angry person is rarely pleased.

Parents sometimes engage in unhealthy, angry relationships with one another. A mother and father can wage war within a bad marriage or after a messy divorce, and this parental anger does not go unnoticed by the child. A child picks up very strong behavioral cues from the way his parents deal with one another, learning what is okay and what is unacceptable when you are angry with someone you love. If a boy sees his father strike his mother after a bad day at work, the boy may think it is okay to hit people when you are angry with them.

Angry parents may draw their children into the fray, requiring the children to pick sides. A parent may even go so far as to “brainwash” a child against the other parent, making the child believe the other parent is bad or evil in some way. In this way, one parent tries to hurt the other by revoking the natural love between the child and both his parents.

An angry parent sets the example of how the child should deal with stress. Children will often mimic their parents’ reaction to external stimulation, like spanking a barking puppy or yelling at the neighbor for burning leaves. A mother may inadvertently teach her infant son to someday scream obscenities at other drivers, or show her toddler daughter how to belittle her future husband.

Parents may inadvertently teach a child to suppress unpleasant emotions, like anger, instead of giving the child a safe environment to express and vent her feelings. Some cultures and family units frown on the expression of negative emotions, so the parent will repress his feelings of anger instead of dealing with them in an assertive, effective way. Parents have a lot to be angry about these days but it is up to each parent to teach their children how to deal with these emotions in a healthy way.

Why Marty?

Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.

Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.

Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.

Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.

Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.

Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.

His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.

As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.

It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.

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