by Marty Brenner
Anger is a protective emotion, meant to keep you safe during potentially deadly situations. Anger, when used effectively, can cause positive change in a negative environment. Some people are not in control of the anger they feel inside, nor do they express their anger well. On the other hand, you might find that people are more responsive to your needs when you pretend to be angry. In other words, you’ve learned that deliberate anger accomplishes more than wearing a happy demeanor. Anger works.
Deliberate anger is planned, unlike natural anger that occurs as a momentary response to a dangerous adversary. When you engage in deliberate anger, you plan your irritation ahead of time, whether you realize it or not. You may find yourself rehearsing what you’ll say the next time you encounter a particular stress or practicing your facial expressions in the mirror. You decide to express anger the next time a certain event happens instead of allowing your reactions to happen naturally, as events unfold.
Deliberate anger is often used both as a sword and as a shield. You might feel moral outrage about a specific behavior or social phenomena, and decide that anger will always be the most appropriate reaction when you are confronted with the issue that upsets you. For example, you might decide that homosexuality is always wrong; therefore you will always react angrily towards gay people. You use deliberate anger as a sword to inflict damage on others.
You might use deliberate anger as a protective shield. You’ve learned that, when you appear to be in an angry mood, people do not attack you in scary or painful ways. You have found that people won’t hurt you if they think you’ll strike back. Deliberate anger is like wearing a flak jacket that protects you from the slings and arrows of daily life. It puffs you up to twice your emotional size so that you can scare away your enemies.
While it may seem productive to foster deliberate anger, this insidious form of negative emotions can have a real detrimental on your relationships and your overall emotional well-being. When you express deliberate anger instead of your true emotion, you make it difficult for others to communicate with you. For example, your spouse kisses you on the cheek and wishes you a good morning. You had decided late last night, while she was sleeping, that you were offended at something she said at dinner the night before. You deliberately give her the silent treatment when she greets you the next morning. Because you use deliberate anger instead of expressing your true resentment, she will be honestly confused by your anger. She will never be able to correct her behavior to your satisfaction because you use deliberate anger instead of honest communication.
Deliberate anger can be a difficult pattern to break as it is often the source of power and a mechanism of self-preservation. You may feel deliberate anger empowers and protects you in that it shows the strength of your character or personal resolve. Deliberate and false anger can be just as volatile and dangerous as anger that is explosive and out of control.
Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.
Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.
Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.
Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.
Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.
Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.
His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.
As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.
It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.
- Anger and Relationships General Overview and Differences
- Anger Complications
- Anger in the Workplace
- Anger Styles