by Marty Brenner

Parents swear, and children sufferYou spent your early childhoods learning to gain control over your body and emotions so you could function comfortably within your family. You learned what made your parents angry and your family observed what seemed to throw you into a tantrum. You learned a lot about controlling your anger during your “terrible twos” during which you experimented with various behaviors to see what sort of reaction your family would have. It is during these early formative years that you begin associating emotion with behavior. You learned that good behavior earned your parents’ love and that poor behavior made them angry. Depending on the general environment and structure of your family unit, your parents may have taught you how to properly express and defuse your anger, or you may have been conditioned to deal with your emotions improperly.

Emotions don’t have hard edges and are not completely separate from one another, especially when it comes to the emotional dynamics within a family unit. Some emotions, like sadness and fear, are very similar and a person may feel these two emotions simultaneously. The connection between dissimilar emotions, like love and anger, are not quite so obvious but these two emotions are actually similar, especially when targeted towards a family member. Anger and love are passionate emotions, reserved only for the most important people in our lives. In fact, we often become the angriest at the people we love the most.

Humans are born with a deeply imbedded need for perfect and unconditional love. We are programmed to believe our families should love us no matter what happens. Unfortunately, all family members are imperfect humans and, as such, are incapable of giving unconditional and perfect love. When you don’t receive the familial love you think you deserve, your feelings get hurt. Anger is a protective emotion that you use to defend yourself from harmful situations, like having hurt feelings. Your innate need for perfect love leads to unavoidable disappointment and resentful, angry feelings for your family.
Rigid or dysfunctional family structures can reinforce improper expression of anger.

For example, a child who witnesses his father consistently exploding with rage against homosexuality may exhibit anger towards gays later in life. Alternatively, the child may develop feelings of hurt anger towards his father as he enters puberty and realizes he has homosexual desires that he knows will infuriate his parent. One family member’s inability to properly manage or express anger can even prevent other people from dealing with their own anger in a healthy way. A child is less likely to express interest or curiosity about a subject that elicits obvious anger. The child ends up feeling hurt and oppressed, emotions that often lead to unresolved, unspoken and lifelong anger at the family.

Some families view anger as a negative emotion, and that any expression of anger is a sign of weakness or lack of respect. A child may face punishment for expressing his anger and begin to develop unhealthy patterns in the way he deals with his emotions towards his family. The child learns to suppress his anger or vent his frustrations in inappropriate ways in his effort to please his parents and fit comfortably within the family unit.

Why Marty?

Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.

Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.

Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.

Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.

Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.

Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.

His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.

As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.

It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.

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