by Marty Brenner
Anger is a natural reaction to pain. You use anger to establish boundaries between yourself and the person causing you pain. You make it very clear that, if he crosses the boundary, you will react with anger. Anger says you will not tolerate a specific behavior, communication or idea. You are intolerant of anything outside your personal boundaries, your comfort zone. Whenever you encounter anything you find intolerant, you react with anger without thinking.
Anger is a normal, knee-jerk reaction to real and immediate danger. Intolerance is a way of life, a pattern of thinking. Early man used intolerance to keep the tribe safe; strangers often brought disease and destruction and new, unproven ideas can have catastrophic effects. Modern man uses intolerance to express moral outrage against outdated ideas and harmful acts. For example, it is a good thing to get angry and call the police when you discover a guy beating a puppy. You are intolerant of a behavior you view as unethical, so you react angrily.
Intolerance removes fuzzy lines; everything is black or white, good or bad. When you establish a clear boundary around yourself, you allow in only those things that you deem safe and good. You angrily repel anything that might cause you pain or discomfort. Fostering a spirit of intolerance causes you to constantly judge all encounters as either completely good and safe or totally bad and evil. You reject new experiences based solely on face value, without reasonably considering whether its benefits might outweigh the possible risk. You categorize everything as good or bad, and nothing is allowed to move from the bad category to the good. Because no one is perfect, you file an ever-increasing number of people and ideas from the ‘good’ into the ‘bad’ category.
Intolerance is often the result of misdirected or inappropriate anger. Intolerant anger has a ripple effect as more and more people begin falling into the ‘bad’ category A woman who has worked long, hard hours at a job she hates, for instance, might direct anger about her professional misery against the “bums in the welfare line” she sees on her way to work each day. Her intolerance and hostility expand to include her lazy co-workers and stupid boss.
Intolerance is a form of deliberate anger. You decide you will react angrily to something whenever you encounter it, without fail. Anger insulates you from those forces you find intolerable – you use angry outbursts to ward off danger and keep your enemies far from your boundaries so that you don’t have to fight them head-on.
Gandhi once said, “Anger and intolerance are the twin enemies of correct understanding.” Intolerance is a bad habit in that you make judgments about things without thinking about them. Intolerance and anger excuse you from the responsibility and effort necessary to consider hidden benefits of new ideas or behaviors. It is easier to just get angry and reject anything that might be new or uncomfortable. Intolerance prevents you from growing as a reasonable person. Intolerance causes you to shrink your boundaries of personal safety, and you will find yourself growing increasingly angry at the world around you.
Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.
Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.
Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.
Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.
Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.
Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.
His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.
As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.
It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.
- Anger and Relationships General Overview and Differences
- Anger Complications
- Anger in the Workplace
- Anger Styles