by Marty Brenner
You’ve learned a new way to screw with your oppressive boss without the risk of getting fired – passive aggression. She makes you do more work than anyone else because she doesn’t like you, and you have decided to get back at her by doing a lousy job, smiling at her the entire time. In your imagination, your poor performance will certainly make her look like the bad guy and put you in the role of heroic victim. You get what you desire without taking the risk an angry confrontation can bring. This is the classic anger-avoidance tactic known as passive aggression.
You might be employing passive aggressive anger if you feel powerless and dominated by another person or entity. You may behave in a non-assertive and resentful manner towards your oppressor, never fully confronting your enemy but never really escaping him either. You may feel too weak to ever win in a battle against your foe so you develop a passive-aggressive way of thwarting your oppressors without ever having to take them on in a fair fight. You are aggressive in your desire to cause your enemy some harm but do it in a non-active, or passive, manner.
A passive aggressive person might agree to perform a task and then continually “forget” to do it. Or the job might get done poorly or constantly run behind schedule or over budget. You might be passive-aggressive if you say you agree to something and then behave in the opposite manner. For example, your wife says she wants to start a sheep farm and you agree to help her, stuffing your hatred of sheep down into your subconscious. You agree to purchase fencing so she can start the herd but you come up with a new reason each day why you cannot buy the fence.
The passive aggressive person learns how to inflict great damage onto others through inaction. The dominant person is usually in a position of authority and depends on you to perform certain tasks so that your home, school or workplace functions correctly. When you do not participate as necessary, your inaction paralyzes the entire operation. You exert great control by doing nothing.
It is hard to tell when you have been a victim of passive-aggressive anger. Unlike explosive anger, where someone punches you in the nose or screams obscenities, passive-aggression is subtle and can pass unnoticed for years. Early signs of passive-aggression include snide comments, sullenness, procrastination and signs of resentment like rolling one’s eyes or paying compliments they don’t really mean.
Passive aggression has its downfalls. Passive aggression becomes an art form – you become a master of producing nothing. Participating in obstructive inactivity for long periods of time causes you to become inert, unmoving, not achieving. You become better at preventing others from achieving their goals than focusing on your own hopes and dreams. Passive aggression shifts your focus way from living a better life towards hurting others, and doing it in a way that you will never have to take full responsibility for.
Marty has been providing guidance and counseling for the last 20 years to a wide and diverse range of people.
Individuals challenged with various addictions including but not limited to – substance abuse, alcohol, and anger.
Marty is a certified chemical dependency counselor and anger management facilitator.
Affectionately known as “Marty”, he has positively influenced and helped reshape the lives of many people in recovery, ranging from ex-cons to his high profile clients in the Delray Beach, Florida.
Marty is an excellent resource with in-depth knowledge of all of the current trends in the substance abuse and mental health treatment fields, as well as individual options for successful recovery outcomes.
Today, residential facilities simply aren’t an option for many clients with busy work schedules and travel conflicts, which is why Marty tailors programs to meet the needs of these clients, whether it be in his office or a location of their choosing.
His approach is casual and non-threatening. Marty is very kind and caring.
As you know, it is difficult to convince clients that anger management or substance abuse treatment is critical. Career commitments, privacy, reputation and other concerns may conflict in making treatment the priority it should be.
It is Marty’s primary goal to help people rebuild lives using tried and true techniques.
- Anger and Relationships General Overview and Differences
- Anger Complications
- Anger in the Workplace
- Anger Styles